The 17 Day Diet, the Missing Chapter
The holidays were wonderful this year. In fact, I think I’ve been celebrating the holidays since the 4th of July last year and have not lost momentum. Somewhere in my disillusionment that my workouts were offsetting my gluttony, 10 pounds snuck up on me. So thanks to the friendly persuasion of my neighbor and friend, I jumped on her bandwagon for the 17 Day Diet. Yes, probably one among a laundry list of fad diets, but I needed a jump start (otherwise known as a serious kick in the rear) to reverse the damage. But I forewarn you, I believe there was a missing chapter from this book as it does not account for the following information:
* Although your spouse may claim to support you and join you on the diet, this will not stop him from rummaging around in the pantry like a scavenger at night, when you are most vulnerable. Honey Nut Cheerios straight out of the box has never been so tempting.
* If you do not eat carbs for five days and have raging hormones, you will actually cry because you want microwave popcorn.
* You will become so desperate for new ways to eat vegetables that you may resort to eating roasted fennel and a kefir smoothie for lunch. (And if you’re wondering what the hell both of those things are, I have no idea, but I ate them).
* Although you will be motivated by your progress, nothing, and I mean nothing, will stand in the way of happy hour. Sorry, Dr. Moreno.
* While you can do your best to keep your family on this plan, this does not stop your children’s requests for ice cream or brownies or goldfish for that matter. You will still serve it to them and quietly swallow your building resentment of vegetables.
* The notion that you can do “anything for 17 days,” is great in theory. It does not account for the fact that you might be certifiably nuts by day 17.
* You may have dreams about bread. Specifically a big white roll dripping in butter. True story.
* Never in your life will you ever be this regular.
So there you have it, my friends. I am officially on day 10, but think I have found the secret to this diet. If you actually survive the 17 days and reach your goal, you will be motivated thereafter primarily by the fact that you NEVER want to have to resort to this diet again and will therefore choose to stay the hell away from the Twinkies.
Jules said,
February 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Love it!
Joli said,
February 20, 2011 at 10:34 am
A friend of mine at work tried this…I say tried, because I caught her taking a piece of cake from the break room…she ended up telling me that she lost 4lbs in the two weeks that she tried….hopefully, yours goes better! I told her that I know that there is no way I could do it. And said, more power to her!