The Joy of Boys

Who Needs Reality TV?

May 5, 2011 at 6:08 pm (Uncategorized)

When no one else would step up to the plate for Matthew’s baseball season (bad pun intended), I volunteered to be the “team mom.” I had no real idea what this meant, aside from organizing the all-important snack schedule for the games. How hard could this be? Apparently, a masters degree does not prepare you for “team mom” responsibilities. I think we needed a social worker to navigate this mess!

Thankfully, Wim shared in this “team parent” experience with me by managing the dugout during the games, so he too, got the full spectrum of the variety of dynamics going on. Here’s what the two of us figured out:

* Coach is divorced. Coach and ex-wife have a child on the team. Coach has a new fiance. Ex-wife has a new boyfriend. All of the aforementioned attend games. Awkward!

* New fiance has a nephew on the team. So, new brother-in-law-to-be is an assistant coach. Additionally, the new parent-in-laws to the coach attend games, as well as the ex parent-in-laws. Double awkward!

* Another couple with a child on the team were clearly friends of coach and ex-wife, pre-divorce. The wife of this couple has formed an alliance with the ex-wife and her husband is another assistant coach for the team.

Are you following any of this?

So, aside from all of the crazy dynamics and nonsense on the sidelines (which in fact is much more interesting to watch in some cases than the game itself), I was accosted at last night’s game by ex-wife and ex-wife’s snotty, mean-girl friend (a separate observation but I could not leave it out. Are high heels really necessary at a baseball game?).

They wanted to speak with me about the end of the season party. Apparently this is one of the many things in my job responsibilities as “team mom” that I did not get the memo for, but I digress. The fact that I need to discuss cupcakes and snacks with people at length in the first place makes me want to stab myself in the eyeball, so I did not really appreciate the tag-team approach. Snotty mean-girl friend and ex-wife were interrogating me about the plans for the celebration. Although the coach had already mentioned to me early in the season that he wanted to have a cook out at his home, I did not mention this in the event that he hadn’t yet discussed it with ex-wife. I am not dumb – this was a potential land mine.

I talk to coach. Coach asks me to send something out to the team parents to announce the cook out, where they will hand out the trophies and eat their hot dogs. So much for that land mine I was trying to avoid.

First e-mail response that comes in is from snotty mean-girl friend. Executive summary, “I cannot believe coach would do this. Ex-wife will be very uncomfortable for reasons I will not get into. Bottom line, you need to hold this celebration in a neutral location.”

Second e-mail response is from the ex-wife. Executive summary, “I will not attend a party at my ex-husband’s house. Sorry.”

Oh for the love of God, are you kidding me? “Team mom” job description did not specify that I would need to be a mediator and solve world peace while I was at it. Please, people. Have a cocktail with your cupcake and chill the hell out for the sake of your five year old child who just wants to eat his hot dog and get his trophy.

I must say, this season has provided me with a great appreciation for the fact that not only do I like my husband, but I hope to never have to contemplate all of the logistics and emotions involved with divorce. But more importantly, it has taught me to NEVER sign up to be “team mom” again!